Lonely weekends getting harder and harder

I am in my early 30s now. I hate work. I try to make it through the week somehow. But on the weekends I feel really alone. I am struggling so much and can not even get a first date with any women for the last 6 month.

So usually on my weekends I just go to the gym Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Recently, I started to do my workout a little slower on purpose and add extra mobility exercises, but if I am honest I just do it so i have an "excuse" to stay a little longer.

Other than that I have the option to wander through the city alone and maybe cold approach in the afternoons. But this is usually not very successful and now in the winter month I struggle to even find single women outside.

So there is that. And other than that I sometimes go out to eat alone or to the cinema or to some event that is taking place (but again in the winter the events are rare or extremely focused on couples/families and/or alcohol). In the past I tried to go out to clubs at night, but to be honest as an early 30s guy I feel so out of place there that I stopped going. Especially since I am not enjoying the music or alcohol.

So what is there on weekends besides the gym? Usually, nothing really. Once I get back from my city walk I sit alone in my apartment. Doing the dreaded chores. Browsing Reddit, swiping on dating apps hoping for a match.

In the past I usually fought off the loneliness by watching something on YouTube, gaming, reading, watching Netflix or coding on a side project. But man it does not work anymore. It is like I can physically feel the coldness and the loneliness creep into my apartment.

I look around the room and everything seems so cold and harsh. And on really bad days (like today) I have this weird feeling. I do not know how to describe it. But I feel lightheaded, I feel like I do not get enough air despite breathing, my chest feels so heavy. And this overall feeling sets my health anxiety off really hard. So I sit in on my couch, talking with ChatGPT about my feelings, checking my heart rate and blood oxygen levels (which are normal of course). Spiraling in my health anxiety thought loops.

Not enjoying any movie or show I watch. Not concentrated enough to read or code. I feel so deep in my loneliness that I just want to cry and be held. But there is no escape. I can not even get a date. Yet alone a date with a women I like. No chance it seems. I spend so much money on dating apps. So many hours cold approaching. But I am just never good enough.

I seem to lack something that I can not even grasp. Or maybe it really is my fucking looks? Or my height? Maybe I am over dramatizing but to me my life in recent years just really feels like raw suffering with only very little breaks from it.

Man this fucking loneliness. What I would give to cuddle with a woman that I love now. But that is not possible. I am alone in my apartment for another weekend. Only me and my screens. The next work week already looming.