My mom thinks that I have rapid onset gender dysphoria and doesn’t believe that I’ve felt this way since I was a little kid am I losing my mind is her concern valid and if not is there anyway I can change her mind

my mom has always had issues with trusting me to be fair I am an excellent liar but I feel like this is just ridiculous I mean how are you supposed to tell me what goes on in my head

SUMMARY: basically this has been going on since I was about 3-4 other than 7/8th grade this has been pretty consistent and I have told her I want to go on hrt and I have a date for a top surgery consultation and want bottom surgery but have decided it’s to risky also I’m 18 almost 19 ftm and I have told my mom about everything that has happened going all the way back to when I was little

anyway here’s a time line of how my dysphoria developed ⚠️tw brief mention of sh and si (nothing graphic or detailed) i mean the summary says enough but if you want more details

there earliest I ever remember thinking about gender or being upset about mine was when I was 3 or 4 and I had just learned that boys had different body part and i remember feeling upset that I had girl parts and feeling weird about how upset I was

then after that I just remember having this weird feeling that my body wasn’t mine and I would also have random thoughts pop in my head about how I wish I was a boy

i also remember being very jealous of how boys looked

that was pretty much it up until the age of 8 when i was extremely upset because I had started puberty early and absolutely hated my chest I mean that probably could have just been that people where treating me differently and I felt insecure but whatever but I had been put on puberty blockers so I kinda started puberty at the same time as everyone else if that makes sense

anyway fast forward to when I was 12 and the puberty blockers had worn off that’s when things started to get way worse I constantly felt like I absolutely hated my body and when I learned what hrt was thats all I thought about

then covid hit right about the end of 6th and I started to be consumed by social anxiety and general anxiety about being stuck at home and my school starts middle in 7th grade so this is when school started to be hard so basically bottom line I didnt have much room in my head for something as abstract as gender anyway so i had online school for a year then went back to school for 8th grade

8th grade was a very difficult time for me because I have a difficult time reading peoples faces the fact that everyone had masks on gave me a lot of stress and not socializing for more than a year meant that I was even more socially awkward than normal and I had developed a fear of even being seen by others also on top of that I had a falling out with all my friends in middle school so I didn’t have anyone to talk to and the cherry on top I went to a massive middle school like it merged half the district and I live in a big district so there was a lot more people than I was used to so basically again i was very preoccupied but I did end up making some friends

and then at the beginning of 9th grade I had finally felt like I was pretty well adjusted then I got in a really big fight with my stepmom (dads wife) and had ran away to my moms house and then my dad blamed the fight on me this threw me off honestly I’m still kinda mad about it but anyway beside my rage things where pretty chill for a couple months and I had started to think about my gender more and as a reaction I think I started try to force myself to be feminine this was also when my mental health started to majorly decline I started to sh but on the outside I maintained an appearance of being stable and ok my mom eventually found out and she was way to chill about it at the end of ninth grade I had told her that I wanted to go by they/them pronouns because that felt better she was pretty chill about it but fast forward to a month before 10th grade I got hospitalized for si and was then recommended to go to inpatient so I went and it was hell this was also when I started identifying as non binary and chopped my hair short

after inpatient I went to a php called u able which was a little better but still sucked anyway this is where I kinda jumped back and forth between idgaf about prounouns and they/them please but at the same time I started feeling like a boy sometime I even told a couple people but they weren’t exactly helpful

at the start of 11th grade I left u able and was going to go to an alternative school and then back to regular school because I had fell behind but I kept not going to school because I had panic attacks and didn’t want to go so I never ended up back at normal school this was when I started to accept the way I felt at the end of 11 grade was when I had come out to my mom at first she was chill then she came up with every reason why I shouldn’t transition

fast forward to this year I’m now 18 and in 12th grade and I think I’ll be able to graduate this year as long as I continue to go to school I may have to do summer school though or a couple months next year idk yet but anyway mom is still adiment that I don’t transition and that i need to process past trauma and stuff like that and I really want to start hrt because I have a date for a consultation in may 2027(for top surgery) and they said it’s usually scheduled 4-5 months after the consultation ive even said that if bottom surgery wasn’t so risky I would want it oh and I have told her about all of this and she either dismisses it or doesnt believe me