Snuggle Tips

Hello everybody, I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself and let you know that you're all doing a great job. With that being said I do have some professional critiques that I'd like to share with you.

Specifically regarding your blatant disregard for basic snuggle-safety protocols. Each year, there are an estimated ten million snuggle-related injuries and even more that go unreported.

I suspect that some of you probably already know where this is going and you're probably right. We're talking about the dreaded, accidental head-bonk scenario: a classic approach error caused by an improper tilt technique.

Look, I get that most of you are out here just trying to be wholesome and have a good time, but you’re handing out minor concussions like party favors by forgetting to adhere to basic snuggle protocols that have been around since the mid to late cuddle-age. A simple15-degree variance in your approach angle is the difference between a heartfelt moment and a trip to the ER.

I apologize if this comes off as a bit of a rant but snuggle safety is a deeply heartfelt subject of mine. I’m not trying to tell you how to snuggle; I’m just telling you how to stay safe out there in this warzone we, in our line of work, like to call a snugglescape. Please remember to recalibrate your proximity sensors and mind your approach angles.

This has been a public service announcement from your pals in the Snugglebug Mafia.