I feel so behind in music and I Don’t know how to go on.

Hi I’m a guitarist (20m) and I’m feeling so behind for context I’ve been doing music for 4 years now I’ve learned everything by ear and have had no lessons and have been focusing on writing on guitar for that time and I know some other instruments but not as well and ever since I was just starting I’ve been comparing myself to other local artists I live in Utah so there are quite a bit that are big now some of them going to my high school even. I started a band around the same time as them and was embarrassed every time we played since my band could never keep it together and I was the only tight enough to play the song and the only one fast enough to write them meanwhile all the other band were taking off and eventually I left that band and started a new one that worked really well for a while then the drummer left to cali and we broke up and since then music has always felt like I’m not good enough I can’t produce mix master play drums do other stuff like that and on top of that I’m in college have a gf and am a video game addict with a full time manager job with no music out yet and just spent 500 bucks on a amature EP that sound like crap because I can’t produce it well enough I feel like a laughing stock but I like my music and I wanna show the best of it to the world but I always feel like I’m not good enough especially because my mother tried to make it in music and failed miserably and has boarder line homeless her whole life because of it and it’s to the point where I doubt my self so much that when I saw someone I used to go to school with get a record deal i had a panic attack because if that happened to me It would be the most euphoric thing ever and I was trying not to think about it and get my hopes up I feel selfish hopeless jealous not good enough but unfortunately I can’t give up every time I try I can’t because I know that I would know I would have wasted my potential and I could not live knowing that I did and frankly I wouldn’t live I need guidance and I need advice from artist who have been though things like this