Should I see him again or send someone to pick up my stuff?

I would really appreciate some objective insight. I’ll try to explain things as they happened rather than how I interpreted them because I feel like I’m spiraling and I need perspective before I see my ex again, or decide whether I should see him at all.

For context, we met when we were 24 on Hinge. I actually downloaded it to help a friend find a distraction after her breakup. I matched with him thinking he might be her type. We exchanged social media, and it was clear he was more interested in me than I was in him at the time. I was seeing someone else (just dates) (a doctor I was very into, even though he treated me poorly I was 24).

Later, he invited me to a cottage party. His friend group had a reputation for inviting Instagram model type girls to Airbnbs and hooking up. He told me he wasn’t like that and that I was the first girl he invited. He seemed shy and different from his friends, which I found attractive.

That night, we realized we had actually gone to the same elementary school and were in the same grade five class. It felt like fate. We had strong physical chemistry and ended up sleeping together.

However, I was still seeing the doctor and eventually ghosted him (my now boyfriend). At 26, I reached out again after another breakup. He took me on a great date. He had previously offered to take me to Mexico and then later LA for a work trip both times I ended up ghosting him because I was either unsure or back with an ex. I admit that wasn’t fair to him and should not have done that, but I can’t help to think that it made him more attracted to me. I recall him saying his previous situation ships didn’t work out bc he got bored easily. I felt weird when he said that and I said well what if you get bored with me and he said I couldn’t.

At 29, after seven months of therapy and being single, I felt ready to date in a healthy way. I reached out again. We had what I can honestly say was one of the best dates of my life. Conversation, attraction, chemistry, everything felt aligned. We started dating seriously.

He drove long distances to see me. He rented hotels for us since I lived with my grandmother. We had amazing sex at first. But slowly, things changed.

We stopped having sex as often. Then we stopped almost completely. I was the one initiating. I felt rejected. He rarely complimented my appearance. I was filming a reality show, dressing well, doing my makeup professionally and he never once made me feel desired.

When I brought up the lack of sex, he said he felt “disrespected” because one night I responded “How am I supposed to know?” when he asked where a mosquito was in the dark. Apparently, that hurt him, and he didn’t tell me for two months while we weren’t sleeping beside eachother every night.

There were other moments that made me question his compassion or initiative. Once, I tried to rescue a kitten outside his house in the winter. He stood there watching instead of helping. I had to ask him for towels, a jacket, milk. It felt like I had to tell him how to show up. The next day he brought up the problem saying he’s allergic to cats and didn’t feel loved knowing that he had told me before and getting mad at him for asking to bring in a cat, that he didn’t realize it was a baby until he got close to it.

Fast forward to February 10th. We had each other’s passcodes. I’ve always believed transparency in serious relationships is important. I went through his phone. Instagram, TikTok clean.

Then I checked his open apps. I saw Telegram. Inside Telegram was search history for multiple OnlyFans accounts , specifically Latina creators. I am Latina. His ex before me was Latina.

Next to it was an open dating app profile. No messages, but a profile created. It said he was “7 out of 10 ready for a relationship.”

When I confronted him about dating apps, he denied it. Then said it was years old. But it was open in his recent apps. When I asked about Telegram, he said he never used it for anything like that. He stepped outside for a call, and when he came back, the Telegram search history was deleted.

That’s when I packed my things and left.

What hurts most is that since February 10th, he has not called or apologized. Nothing. The only message was logistical when I asked about picking up my things.

I’m seeing him Monday to get my clothes. I already signed a lease elsewhere. I am moving on. But I am struggling with:

•	Is it believable that a dating app would just stay open for 7 months?

•	Does Telegram store OnlyFans promo videos? Do people pay through it?

•	Is deleting search history basically confirmation? I know it is my mind is just going through withdrawals of our relationship

•	Is this porn addiction behavior? Please lmk your thoughts bc I find it so weird our sex life stopped, it makes sense if he did have a porn addiction

•	Or did he simply lose attraction to me? (I will say I’m objectively good looking and take care of my body)

•	Why hasn’t he fought for me if he’s innocent?

Part of me wants to ask to see his bank account for confirmation about payments. But I also know if he says “I didn’t pay,” I won’t fully believe him.

I loved him. I thought he could be my husband. I’m trying to figure out if I need closure or if this is already my closure.

If you’ve been in something similar, I would appreciate insight.