How can I stop thinking about killing myself?

To give you some context, I'm 17 years old, and I've been hospitalized for suicide attempts several times before, I was even recently hospitalized again because of that. When I left the psychiatric clinic I thought I could handle the real world again, but it's always the same thing, I get stressed by reality and just want to give up on everything. Honestly, I can't see any future for myself. Life seems more and more like a bad joke that I wouldn't want to see repeated. After so many attempts to die, people stop worrying; it almost becomes a joke/routine, and that's so exhausting. I have a job, but I just don't see the point in earning money, you know, what am I going to use it for? Nothing really makes me happy anymore or anything like that. I really try to study, but I'm completely stupid at it. I would never pass my country's admissions system to get into a good college. I have a routine that isn't even that exhausting, but every day I just want it all to end quickly, that one day I can simply sleep forever so I have a good excuse to die soon. The worst part is that I can't even be honest about it with my therapists or my parents, because I know I'd be hospitalized again and my life would continue like this. I feel dead inside.