Love IS blind. But attraction is NOT.

I have watched all seasons of LIB and I think this is my biggest learning. But I want to be very careful on how to word this so you know where I am coming from.

If I use a observer hat, most of the men that struggle with the attraction piece (some women struggle too, they are just not vocal about it) are in a dilemma because they DO love them, and I totally believe that. They are just...not attracted to them.

And I think that in society there is an expectation that "if you are aligned on everything, the physical should be just the top of the cherry!". I have heard that on the show before, and in life. But the reality is, I can be attracted to someone and not love them, and I can love someone intensely but just not be attracted to them. AND that does not warrant shaming.

Look, I am not talking about body type, how symmetrical my face is, whether I am white or black. Sometimes it is the energy you have, that is compatible with the other person. It can be confidence, it can be discipline. It is different for everyone. Some people are able to not care about the physical, that is great! What I think is not helpful is to shame someone when the attraction is not there. Sometimes it is literally biology. And you should know yourself to understand how it works for you - but a lot of people do not, and realize it during the show.

Do they express it awfully and deserve to be criticized for that piece? ABSOLUTELY. The way Chris dealt with it was unacceptable and gross, or even Alex (going to test the waters with someone else).

But what is underneath, that experience, is real. I would even be inclined to encourage all of us explore: "what do I need to feel attraction? how much does physicality weighs?". I mean, even as you hear "ugh, I gave a medium ugly guy a chance!" - I wonder: what does this mean? that perhaps attraction IS a need for you, and you resented putting that need on the side?

Hope this makes sense. The truth might be uncomfortable, but just going back and forth judging each other prevents us from having the real convo.