AITAH for not having much care for him and what he’s going through after he cheated?

i have to give some precious context in order for this to make any sense. I(f28) and him(m38) have been together for 8 years. long time. five kids. lot of bull. lot of messed up shit on both our parts i wont lie about that. but here’s the kicker. he has two other baby moms. one before I got with him and one when we, as he says “were broke up for a week so I didn’t cheat” even though I was three months pregnant with my first. i disagree strongly because I remember when it happened but besides the point. I’ve raised BM2’s child as my own since the day she came out. anyways there has been a LOT of arguments about her. lots of fights. lots of bs. I was young dumb and naive to see what was happening prior. he would lie and go hangout with BM2 while I was watching their child, many times compared me to her, and so much more that I don’t even care to get into detail about. Now that we are basically up to speed, let’s continue.

on New Year’s Day he pulls me into the bathroom and tells me that I need to go get tested. No tf I do not because I have only been with him. So I pressed asking what he’s talking about. Which he doesn’t try to answer me, instead starts getting mad at me like it’s my fault. Finally he admits that he may have gotten the clap from BM2. I didn’t really process things right then because my dumb ass believed he might have gotten it from sharing a blunt with her. It took about an hour before it actually hit me what just had happened. I freaked out because wtf you mean you got it from a blunt that’s not how that works. I kept freaking out because he wouldn’t tell me when it was. I was thinking like a couple weeks ago, maybe a month. It actually was in August. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. I still don’t honestly. he gave the big spiel of how he’d change, it didn’t mean anything, he loves me, the whole 9 yards of it. He’s a narcissist(I didn’t realize it until way too long into the relationship), a drug addict(again didn’t realize that until way into the relationship) and a manipulation master. I finally recognized the patterns and signs and it’s much harder for him to do what he normally would do to me. I basically consider us done after finding out he cheated on me months ago with BM2. To give context of her, she’s the worst drug addict I’ve ever seen, like shoots blood and couches type, sleeps with everyone and anyone that has her choice of drug, more stds than I even knew possible, and overall is just dirty dirty dirty.

it has now been almost three months. Nothing has changed. Nothing has been better. I’m prepping more or less to leave when I can find a way out. This past week, unfortunately, he found out his grandma passed away almost a year and a half ago and he was never told, his sister is not doing well, and his dad isn’t either. I initially was empathetic and did the best I could considering how I felt to ve there. He has done absolutely nothing but make it my fault, scream at me, and tell me I need to pack the kids up so we can travel across the us to see his family. One of our kids is autistic and him alone is five kids in one. He doesn’t handle change, new places, or new people well. At all. Like at all. on top of this grand idea of just going , there is absolutely no chance in hell we could afford it. Not with five to six kids with us. We don’t have anyone to watch our three dogs, which again I will not bring three dogs with on something like that. I’m not in any way opposed to going, but it needs to be thought out, planned, and uave the funds to do so. Not spur of the moment we can figure it put as we go. Absolutely not. I keep encouraging him to go because I believe he should go see this family(he’s not super close with them and doesn’t know them as well as the family around us) and take that time. But I don’t find it necessary for all of us to go at this time. I also tefuse to be stuck doing all the driving, all the stuff with the kids, packing everything, figuring it all out, basically doing it all. I don’t want to do that. That’s what I am now anyways to him I’m good. He’s fighting with me telling me I’m a horrible person for not supporting him(basically meaning I’m wrong for not jumping up and going let’s go with no plan no money nothing in place other than just going), he hopes my family dies, and more. I feel bad but I’m starting to feel less bad how he’s acting towards me. he already hasn’t made up for his actions and begged for a second chance. he also during this, had the audaxity to tell me to just get over it, it was already almost a year ago, it doesn’t matter. Which to him yeah it was Almost a year ago. To me it’s been barely three months. AITAH?