The last note I ever wrote

Mother, father

I am hurting you the most

I know you love me like I never knew

even when it hurt you

Understanding was the hardest part,

and trying to explain made me realize 

I barely understood it either

 

I’m not escaping misery or depression

or if I am, I can't tell anymore

I only want to be free from the walls around my heart

I dreamt I’d find a way out to a life we could be proud of

But it looks like I can't escape without hurting you

It's selfish, yes, but I’m certain.

What good would an apology be?

you're free of me now too

  

brother,

I am sorry for real

I’ll miss you how I can

You made it worth it

when hope wasn't enough

don't know how, you just did

 

I need to be different 

but maybe I’m not willing

or maybe I’m not able,

what's the difference anymore?

I can feel where it’s all headed

just more nowhere in due time

and if that’s the way I’m going

well then, I’d rather not arrive

my last joy will be in writing

a suicide note that rhymes

 

I’ve heard this hardly helps

but what else can I say? It’s my fault

so don’t be like me and blame yourself

And please believe me when I say

I love you very much

 

 

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