Graduated (several days ago)

i was originally due on the 20th and had an induction arranged for that date to avoid going over, as my AuDHD had been making it hard to endure the last month or so and I was quite over it all. then due to my raised blood pressure, swollen lower legs and feet and some visual floaters, induction was moved to the 16th.

i woke up at 5:30 on the 15th with raging cramps as bad as any of my old periods before my endometrial polyps were removed. these lasted until 8:15 when something popped and i had a horrible sneaky damp feeling. spent a bit of time sitting on disposable puppy pads waiting for the leaking to stop (didn't know that amniotic fluid apparently just keeps coming 🙃) before going to the loo. my PJ shorts had something murky in which i clocked as meconium, at which point I stopped faffing and called triage. (mum said she'd wondered if the mess in my shorts had come from the baby or me 🤡)

got to the hospital and was set up in a room with my mum and then a friend and discussions were had about what was going to happen. my birth plan went out the window bc of the meconium so I ended up going for an epidural once the cramping was too much.

i think with hindsight this is the point at which my decision was a fuckup.

i spent until early Monday morning with the epidural going until about 7 when i was told it was time to start pushing. i did this for an hour but i kept running out of breath for every third contraction push 😞 eventually the staff called time and advised that j should go for forceps delivery in theatre. they fully numbed me, got set up and started telling me to push on signal as hard as i could. i could only feel from my ribcage up so had no clue how hard i was using my muscles.

apparently my daughter's hand was up at her face and her head came out very quickly. i ended up with a 3rd degree tear and an episiotomy. i remember feeling really upset that it hadn't gone to plan and i wish I'd been able to push better in the initial stages. but I'd had no sleep since saturday morning and no food since friday night so was really drained.

I'm currently still staying in hospital with my daughter until we're both fit for discharge. overall I'm happy and she's almost fully healthy but it's not been a week without problems, which I've gone through in another post.