Not understanding myself

It's been 5-6 years that, at many times, i falsely attempt suicide, and except for getting attention and empathy, i never understand why i continue like that and i still making the people i know worried about me. I think i'm in a loop, maybe i need someone to punch my stupid face to get back to reality. I don't know, and today, it impacted my girlfriend,, she's start being annoyed by myself, and i totally understand, that is weird. I know that i do something horrible, even if my life isn't incredible, but still, i continue this....

And i dont know how to stop myself, without getting defensive

(for information, i have a psychologist by my side, i see him once time per month)

(Sorry for maybe, bad english)