My diary, I share my evolution with you day 4

My diary, I share my evolution with you day 3 : r/BreakUps https://share.google/XMwmYf0NPXzh4YcX9

Today was an extremely difficult day. I posted an insta story but my accounts are linked so it appears on Facebook and whatsapp. This story is a picture of a cave that I made with my parents and I put in the caption (let's discover the depth) because I like to visit caves.

Last summer we visited a cave with her. She took it personally believing that I had put a picture of the cave we had made. She tells me "go and let you see" at the time I don't understand and I ask for explanations.

I am still in a discussion where I lay myself bare again and where I said that I loved sincerely and honestly and with all my heart. That I fought hard etc... That I gave everything I had and that maybe it wasn't enough or she didn't see her.

To this a first answer that tears me apart: "This must be it, you are perfect and I am blind. It's good to have self-esteem but you shouldn't think you're above others" and for me it's a wound, in no way I considered myself above others, none I considered myself perfect and in no way did I say that she was blind. I just said my feelings, what I went through and how much I gave myself

And the last message comes, the one that takes your heart and burns it. "You destroyed me, you sucked all my energy like a succubus, I knew it wasn't good for me my body told me so. We had a good time but if you like to love in chaos not me"

I didn't want to destroy and I'm totally devastated myself, I probably took a lot of energy with my anxiety and my attachment, I'm able to admit it but I'm not a succubus, it was never voluntary. I don't like chaos, no otherwise I wouldn't be like this

And life there, pain of saying this, but how do we see this person we love? Why? Why this image when I am trying to give my whole being? It's a horrible feeling.

Today I'm at the bottom of the hole. I spend my time questioning myself and I'm tired of being seen as a monster and I'm tired of everything I can say being misinterpreted

I wouldn't say no to help.

I love you.