New and Feeling Good, but Awkward

Hiya. I'm a 45 M. Married to a woman, father of two. It's cliche, which bothers me, but I've had several revelations recently that are allowing me to acknowledge more about my identity and orientation. Context is I've been high masking AuDHD, probably, and primary caregiver for most of my life.

I don't know that I have gender dysphoria, as I'm comfortable questioning my gender identity and feeling between societal labels. I've championed gender nonconformity before even exploring it for myself. I enjoy masculine traits sometimes, feminine others, but am new to exploring being feminine. I know that feeling drawn to feminine clothing (and femininity as an extention) is beyond a sexual attraction. I worry about looking masculine in women's clothes (ie facial hair) as I would prefer to be more feminine, but again, it shifts.

And of course I am not ready to discuss it with my wife. Our life already has volatility from chronic health issues, etc and I don't need to throw another thing on top.

I don't even really know what I'm asking here. I don't need a diagnosis or anything, just, similar journies you've taken. I already know working with a therapist helps, but not a real option for me at the moment.