Can’t control in Ramadan

Ramzan started and I promised myself this time it’ll be different.

I told myself I’ll control my urges.

I’ll lower my gaze.

I’ll stay strong.

I won’t let my desires win.

But every single day every evening it starts.

First, I try to ignore it.

Then I tell myself, “Sabr karo, bas thori dair.”

But the craving gets intense. My focus is gone. I can’t think straight. I keep checking the time again and again.

And when it’s finally allowed I lose control.

No balance.

No discipline.

No shame.

I go all in.

Golden, crispy, freshly fried

That smell

That first bite

Pakoray.

Then one samosa.

Then another.

Then chaat.

Then rolls.

Then Rooh Afza.

Then I sit there after Maghrib thinking, “Weight kam karna tha na bhai?”

Ramzan mein sabr seekhna tha

Main toh iftari pe hi haar jaata hoon.

Next Ramzan, inshaAllahcontrol karunga.

(But if there are fresh pakoray on the table… no promises.) 😌