How do I (F30) encourage my sister (F17) to help around the house and be more ambitious since moving in with me?
My sister (F17) recently move in with me (F30) and my daughter (F9).
Ive lived on my own for 13 years and knew it would be an adjustment. Shes been here almost two months now. I'm so happy I can offer her some stability where both our parents lacked and it has been alot of fun aswell however I'm starting to find her lack of routine or ambition frustrating.
She doesnt work, has never had a job and doesn't seem to want to look for a job unless I'd be the one doing it for her. Shes got no experience in the real world, doesnt know how to make a doctors appointment and asked me to ring her in to college sick the other week because she cant talk to people on the phone. When shes home she lays on my bed and spends 90% of her time scrolling tictok. Like that is literally the only stuff she does day to day. Is this normal? Im worried, shes for sure addicted to her phone but when I bring it up she just doesn't seem to care or think anything of it? Like its normal to scroll mindlessly through videos all day long.
She doesn't pick up ANY chores unless I get on to her and then I'm the bad guy. She never offers to do the dishes or hoover, NOTHING. when she cooks she leaves all her disgusting pans and plates in the sink for me because she "cant touch plates with left over food on". My 9 year old has more responsibility and picks up around the house all the time without being prompted because we're always worked as a team.
I work full time, run the house full time and fully financially support my daughter and now my sister. I was burnt out before she moved in and said if we did this she would need to be responsible especially as shes turning 18 soon.
My parents failed terribly. They've never gave her expectations or taught boundaries. My mum picked up after her like a slave and let her have a phone and tictok from the age of 12. Shes completely non confrontational and I really dont know how to approach this since I've been getting onto her daily and it's just like shes in a cloud? No goals, no hobbies, no personal responsibility or accountability. When I asked her why she spends 10 hours a day screen time on tictok she says because there's nothing else to do with INFURIATES ME.
Ive been living on my own since I was her age, had three jobs at her age and was at college. I've had to work hard for every single thing I have and have spent almost 10 years as a single mother doing the same. There's no way I'm now playing slave to 17 year old as I enter my 30s. I do not have the time or energy. How do I approach this?
TL;DR
Sister moved in with me but doesn't help around the house, spends 90% of her time on tictok and doesn't have any ambitions. How do I approach this?
Posted Feb 22, 2026, 4:58 PM UTC