So tired of my family always shaming me for not having any friends

Growing up I was always focused on studies and sports. I had straight As and played two sports at national level so I never really had time to build close friendships.

When I went to college in another state things felt even harder. I struggled with the language and the social scene there was very much about partying which never felt like my space. In the end I made three friends and they mean a lot to me but that is my whole circle.

At home this has always been something I get judged for. My parents especially my mum and my brother often compare me to him because he has a big friend group. Growing up I was rarely allowed to go out and I was not allowed to dress the way I wanted which made me very underconfident and awkward socially. Even the friends I had in school slowly drifted away because I could never join them for outings or parties.

It still hurts when this becomes a joke. Last week we were making the guest list for my brother’s wedding and everyone laughed for several minutes because my list only had three people. Today my brother called me a special needs baby and when I reacted he asked if my friends ever joke like that with me. My mother joined in and said it is not like I even have friends to joke with. Then they both laughed again.

I know this might sound small to some people but moments like this make me feel very alone and honestly really bad about myself.So i just needed to let this out.