this inbetween stage of transition has me losing my fucking mind

I mostly just need to be told it gets better lmao

I'm a year and 4 months post top surgery, I didn't realize I was a trans man and not non-binary until almost a year after. I took low-dose t before top surgery, stopped for a year, went "OH FUCK I'M A DUDE" and have been on Big Boy T sincerely October (i need to go get a cbc so they can raise my dose).

I am losing my SHIT in this weird in-between phase guys. I don't pass. I look masculine, but I don't pass as male. My voice is very androgynous, I'm sprouting forests of body hair, I'm a level if horny that's somewhat maddening, and I'm getting chest acne which is so awesome. I'm also in the process of beginning to take weight lifting seriously and cut some weight. The idea of being a hot man for myself is so fucking appealing compared to wanting to be a hot woman because I thought it would make men like me.

The problem is allllll of that shit takes timeeeeeee. I know I'm*barely* 5 months on T, I know I'm in the brand new stages of muscle gain/weight loss, but I want to feel like a Real Boy instead of an imposter :(. None of my clothes fit how I want them to!!! I have basically no confidence in terms of dating because I'm gay and terrified to even try to date anyone but bi/pan men and even then I'm just so unconfident in other people's perception of my gender I feel embarrassed to even approach men which is frustrating. fuck guys I'm even in that stage of growing out your hair where i look like a fucking little lad on bad hair days. literally everything in my body is transitional right and now I'm losing my MIND.

I know it just takes time, but some words of encouragement would be awesome. Again, I'm old enough to know I'm being impatient. But goddamn I wanna feel good about myself lol