Trying to change

First, I know it’s my fault for doing this.

I take full accountability for putting myself in this situation, but I just had a glimmer of hope is all. I also should be focusing on myself as I write this out, but I just want other peoples thoughts/advice on this.

i will try not to get discouraged or offended…….ha ha ha

So i met some guy off hinge. First mistake, not that there isn’t anything wrong with dating apps but I don’t want to meet a potential dating partner off an app—although it looks like it may have to be that way— anyways…

We talked consistently for awhile. I have tried to meet up and we can’t. He’s reassured me he wants to but life is getting in the way. I’m trying to be nonchalant and saying it’s cool cause it really is i guess lol. We still talk and he says he enjoys talking to me.

We talk about life etc. I started to fear maybe he is just talking to me as a person to vent to and at first I’m cool with being friends but I started to kinda like him more and not just think he’s cute.

I recently got attention from videos and comments on Instagram and I started showing myself not a perceived version I like to put out there online. I messaged him and I was like “look, if you don’t want to talk anymore I get it .” He reassured he was cool with talking times before that he mentioned he liked talking to me that it was nice to have someone to talk to and that i talk more than other girls on hinge so I was like cool he isn’t being scared off by my online presence lol. I ignored the hinge comment cause well we aren’t anything we haven’t even met he can do what he pleases.

Felt nice I thought maybe he liked me which was again, nice because I’m single my last fling hurt me so bad but

I started to develop feelings for him cause he isn’t scared off but I had really bad anxiety and I was like saying once again I’m scared to scare you off blah blah blah and he was like “why do you think I’m scared of you and honestly I’m just trying to figure out what is a making you upset “and i replied to him and no reply at all 🧍🏻‍♂️ not even reading the messages it’s been since Wednesday of last week……..

so now that we got that out of the way im just wondering do i message him??? He views my stories all the time usually like the first person to Watch then so i know hes online lol. I just don’t want to come for desperate i guess lol. Sometimes im like okay maybe he forgot i replied?? He has a lot going on in his life too like we seem to be on the same level with that we are both in college so i get that but yeah i feel like im losing hope but i also know myself and since i have a tiny crush im gonna go insane for 1 minute interaction then get ghosted again. I feel like this is all a sign from the universe to focus on again i keep on stopping myself from doing that

Maybe i answered my own question questions. My guy friend tells me to stop doing this I’m too ol an to just focus on getting money and working on myself. That I need to be with a guy who has his life figured out and that’s another latter i see to find myself inlol.

Do i listen to myself to my friends or wait for this guy is basically what im saying and i think i know what i need to do. Im just trying not to get attached to someone and it’s hard cause i have a tendency to do that especially if i develop an ounce of feelings (he was giving me attention)

I hope this doesn’t get taken down 😭🤗