Something feels off about my friendship but I can't tell if I'm overthinking it. Can I get some outside perspective?

Hey everyone. I'm 17 and I've been thinking about this for a while now and I think I just need to hear what other people think because I can't figure this out on my own anymore.


I have this friend, let's call him B. We're both in the same class at a technical high school, we share a lot of the same interests — electronics, 3D printing, cameras, cycling, computer hardware. He's the person I talk to the most, probably over 6000 messages on Messenger over the past year or so. For a long time I thought he was my best friend. Maybe I still think that. I honestly don't know anymore.


A few days ago I decided to actually sit down and read through our entire conversation history. All of it. And I started noticing things I somehow missed when I was living through them day by day. The patterns are really clear when you zoom out.


The first thing I noticed is how much I give him. And I don't mean that in a bragging way, I mean it scared me a little when I saw it all laid out. I've transferred him money multiple times — 170 PLN here, 200 PLN there, which isn't nothing for a teenager. I bought electronic parts for him through my PayPal because he said he doesn't have one and never bothered to set one up. I shared my paid AI subscription with him when he asked for my login. I gave him access to my Apple ID. I spent about 800 PLN on reball station equipment for a project we're supposed to share — partly his idea. The equipment is coming to me, but when we were talking about it he gave me this feeling like he wanted it to be kept at his place. I've also left some of my own stuff at his house over time — a power supply, hard drives, cooling equipment — and I've given him some of my things too. When I think about it now, quite a bit of my stuff is physically in his room.


And it's not like he's broke. He buys things for himself all the time — filament, camera lenses, magnets, bike parts. But whenever it comes to something we're doing together, it's somehow always me who pays or me who puts in the bigger share.


The weird thing is he also comments on everything I buy. Like if I get a good deal on something he'll say "that's kinda expensive" or "why do you keep changing things all the time." But his own purchases are never up for discussion.


The second thing I noticed is how one-sided the emotional part of this friendship is. I tell him things about my life, I share when I'm stressed or sick or dealing with family stuff. And his responses are almost always one word. When I was sick with a fever he said "that sucks" and then immediately asked me about some blockchain thing. When I mentioned problems at home he just talked about his bike ride. One time I apologized for falling asleep during our conversation. I apologized for falling asleep. He didn't even acknowledge it.


I realized that in over 6000 messages, he has never once apologized to me. Not once. For anything. I went looking for it and it's just not there. Meanwhile I apologize for not calling back fast enough, for being a few minutes late, for being tired. I don't understand how I ended up like this.


He shares technical knowledge with me and I appreciate that. He knows a lot about electronics and cameras. But that's all he shares. He never tells me what he's feeling, never opens up about anything personal. When I asked him directly "what do you think of me" he said "that's a hard question" and that was it. Couldn't say one nice thing. After everything I've done for him. I won't lie, that one really hurt.


His favorite word is "hard." I suggest we do something together — hard. I propose a project — hard. I find a good deal — hard. But when he needs something from me it's always in command form. "Search for it." "Find it." "Buy it for me." "Send me the results when you're done." And I just do it. Every time. I never say no. I've literally never said no to him in the entire history of our friendship and I only just realized that.


There's something else that bothers me. From the messages I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend in another city. They call each other "my sunshine." But when I ask about her he calls her "just a friend." I think the reason this bothers me isn't jealousy or anything like that — it's because I'm pretty sure he treats her completely differently. She does sewing and design, a totally different field from his electronics. He can't compete with her or act like he knows more than her. So she probably gets the kind, respectful, emotionally open version of him. And I get the one that says "hard" and "search for it."


He kind of has two faces and I feel like I only get the worse one.


I want to be fair though. B is genuinely smart. He knows his stuff when it comes to technical things. Some of our conversations are interesting and I do learn from him. He's not screaming at me or being openly cruel. That's what makes this so confusing. Each individual thing he does seems small. Saying "hard" once is nothing. Asking for my account once is nothing. Not saying sorry once is whatever. But when you look at months and months of this, thousands of messages of this same pattern, it adds up to something that feels really heavy.


The thing that finally made me step back and really look at this was realizing how I feel after talking to him. I feel worse. Almost every time. I feel like I'm less than him, like I'm not good enough, like I have to keep proving myself. And I remembered that a while back we had a period where we didn't talk for a bit and I felt so much better. Like genuinely relieved. No racing thoughts, no pressure, no feeling like I'm constantly being compared and coming up short. Being friends with him feels like living in one of those big cities where everyone is rushing and competing and you never feel like you're keeping up. I really hate that feeling.


I think what scares me the most is that I'm afraid to tell him any of this. I'm scared that if I say "I feel like this friendship is one-sided" he'll just say "hard" or change the subject or not care. And the fact that I'm scared to share my feelings with someone who's supposed to be my friend probably says everything I need to know.


I also have a practical problem. A lot of my stuff is at his house. Equipment I paid for. If I want to set boundaries or distance myself, I need to somehow get my things back, and I don't know how to do that without it becoming a whole thing. We also go to the same school, same class. I see him every day. It's not like I can just disappear.


I feel kind of stupid writing all this because when I read it back it seems so obvious. But when you're in the middle of it, when this person is the one you talk to every day, when you've invested months of time and real money into the friendship, walking away feels enormous. I keep thinking maybe he'll change, maybe I'm seeing things wrong, maybe this is just how some friendships are.


But 6200 messages don't lie. Zero apologies don't lie. And the relief I felt when we weren't talking doesn't lie either.


I guess what I'm asking is — has anyone been through something like this? Am I overreacting or is this really as bad as it looks from the outside? What would you do in my situation? How do you even start setting boundaries with someone you see every single day? And honestly, how do you stop feeling guilty for wanting to say no?


Any perspective would help. I just need to hear it from real people. Thanks for reading.