Arranged marriage means your parents pick who you have sex with for the rest of your life. That’s disgusting and absurd.

Before anyone barges in hot and heavy to scream that marriage isn't just about sex — I know. But there can be no marriage without sex, either.

Your parents want someone who will be an obedient and submissive daughter-in-law while also having sex with their son. To them a daughter-in-law is worthless if she can't produce children. Or they want a well-educated, tall and wealthy son-in-law to have sex with their daughter. They are not looking for someone who will get along well with you, but for someone who will either boost their status or act like a maid. I know it might seem odd to talk about arranged marriage in these terms, but I want to make you understand that having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not something that is degenerate or wrong. What is weird is having someone else decide your life for you. You listen to rap songs about being a gangster and then can't even speak up when it comes to deciding who is going to be the parent of your children.

Being attracted to others is completely normal. In villages, where there is a high degree of segregation between men and women, you still can not repress hormones. I know and have heard of boys who try having sex with each other or with animals. I know widowers in their 70s who have tried having sex with a buffalo calf. Men in arranged marriages frequently have extra-marital affairs, with one of the primary reasons being that they were never attracted to their partner to begin with. Have you ever considered why only daughters-in-law in a village are made to do parda, ghunghat, ohla-dhatta? It's because there is a worry that they might end up seducing their father-in-law, brothers-in-law or other men of the village.

The institution of arranged marriages is full of hypocricy and double standards. You will be told that in newer generations will get a partner then break-up then get a new one in an endless chain. That if you have been in a relationship before marriage, you can not stay loyal and will continue looking for more sexual partners. It's an open secret that in earlier generation married men and women used to have affairs with their in-laws or uncles/aunts. With the advent of social media and phones, it's become easier to connect to people outside the kunba for extra-marital affairs. Among poorer Jats, there was also a tradition of getting just one son married and keeping the other sons bachelors to avoid the division of land, since only a married son can inherit property. This is why there is a stereotype about the bhabhi spoiling the marriage prospects of her brothers-in-law. In turn, the unmarried sons would expect to have sex with their sister-in-law to compensate for this.

To say that arranged marriages are morally better is wrong. The day arranged marriages end the dowry system will end as well, so will the pressure on women to be baby-producing machines, or servants of their in-laws, or for men to have government jobs. It is wrong to think of a mother-in-law and a father-in-law as equivalent to your own parents. They are complete strangers that you know nothing about. The primary responsibility of any husband and wife is towards each other. The husband is responsible for the care of his parents and the wife is responsible for the care of hers. These unjustified obligations and pressures are why people want arranged marriages to continue, so that they can get a housemaid for their son to have sex and produce children with.

Find someone you like, spend time getting to know them and then decide whether you would like to marry them or not. In arranged marriage, you are supposed to go in blind after a very limited interaction, and then you are stuck for life. This lack of prior knowledge and awareness, makes braindead parents opt for astrology to get some certainty. Even if there is adultery, violence or substance abuse, you'll be pressured to adjust since a divorcee is treated worse than a widow by society. Relationships fail, marriages after a long relationship fail as well, but it's better to face failure where you at least got to decide rather than one where you never had the choice.

Your parents support arranged marriages because they care more about their image in society than about their children’s happiness. Some would rather kill their children for marrying outside their caste than fulfill their responsibility as parents by supporting the choices their sons and daughters make. You might believe your parents are good people, but look at Haryanvi society. The same people who take bribes, harass women in public, show no civic sense, or mistreat the poor and defenseless will be parents one day too. Your parents are far more likely to be self-serving, greedy, and spineless than principled individuals who would stand by what’s right, no matter the cost.

There is nothing wrong with someone having had a prior relationship. Falling in love and putting your trust in someone is not a bad thing. People learn from their experiences and gain emotional maturity. Someone who has been in a relationship previously understand what they need to do better. Unfortunately, our society is garbage. Many people in relationships, especially men, still believe an arranged marriage is better. To them girls are toys, to be played with and then discarded when it's time for marriage. Having a virgin spouse in not an achievement, having a marriage with love, respect and trust is.

PS. Chatgpt was not used to write this. I used the em dash in the first paragraph because I wanted to, stop calling my posts AI generated.