The Redwood Ship [Part 12]

Day 17 at the Cabin

I'm really sorry about that last post. I do have an explanation, I just feel so stupid. I take a few different medications, I won't say what kinds of what they're for, and I did disclose this with those newspaper guys. What I didn't tell them is that I also, from time to time, partake in certain substances that sometimes don't interact well with these medications. A reaction that often occurs because of this is my body just sorta wanders around while my mind is completely checked out. It's not exactly like sleepwalking though I do experience things very close to nightmares when this happens. I'm actually very prone to night terrors.

All of that to say, I typically hide my laptop away somewhere so I don't do anything stupid. I was left so out of sorts by Otis' visit that I forgot to do that. And I took more than I have been. I don't remember typing up that last entry. I'm only see it this morning because I was out cold most of yesterday recovering from my experience. I think I went outside too. My shoes have mud on them. I also think that cut on my hand got infected at some point. I keep trying to pull out the scabs and clean the pus, but the green hue isn't going away. I poured alcohol on it, then drank the rest, and used the rest of the bandages Otis gave me so I'll see how that turns out.

I've decided to stick this out, the staying in the cabin/ship thing. Not necessarily just for the money, but I just feel like I have to. Some bigger thing is going on, I think, and I just want to see it to the end. Even if it has nothing to do with me, I kinda want it to. Being out here has given me a larger sense of reality and I'm not ready to leave that. That picture of the lighthouse has been leering at me since I woke up. I think I'll take it down tomorrow.

I keep rereading that last post. I've had nightmares similar to it I guess. Like family stuff I don't like thinking about. Usually they aren't so topical, but I guess that stress is really eating at me. Not to get super in to it, I just feel bad about uploading that, my dad disappeared when I was like seven. I think he died, but no bodies ever showed up. It doesn't feel like he's dead I guess, but he's certainly not around. Mom doesn't keep pictures of him, so I just have my memory, but she says I look like him. Don't know why she feels the need to say that.

I just heard gunshots. I was up on the deck and heard this bang echo for just a second. It's not hunting season here, I don't think people are even allowed to hunt this high up. Shit I heard another. I double checked the door bolt after running to my car. Ghosts I may not know how to handle but guns, I have some practice. I read somewhere that birds can imitate some sounds. Part of me hopes it is just a bird. That sounded closer, I'm posting this now just in case I do something stupid again.