Was anyone else born this way?

I'm going back and watching a bunch of old VHS tapes from when I was baby. And it's clear that I was always an empty husk, literally born with zero personality at all.

From day one I was performing for the camera and for my family, and I would copy everything my older brother would do because it was all I had to go off of to be a human being. Every single characteristic, every fiber of my being has been copied from other people. Seeing my brother's natural bright personality on-camera and seeing how I'm just a chameleon trying to emulate a human the best I can fills me with so much depression, jealousy, and self-pity.

I was the golden child, spoiled, and over-indulged by genuinely loving parents. My main form of supply for my early false-self was praise and adoration from my parents. I have an early vivid memory of my narcissism in action, I was probably around four years old. We were going on a family vacation and it was the night before. I had such severe anxiety about us leaving on vacation and I had an absolute tantrum & freaking out. My parents tried to calm me down the best they could but didn't know how to soothe my anxieties. At this time, disobeying my parents felt like literal death to me, it was absolutely terrifying. So I remember turning grandiose and saying that I'll go. And it gave me so much supply telling them that I now wanted to go, and seeing how glad they were.

This makes me feel so hopeless, why did I have to be born this way. It is so fucking unfair. Ever since my first collapse/mortification 3 years ago I've done nothing but spiral and throw my life away. Knowing that my entire life was fake is too much to bear. My loving family of 30 years feels like aliens to me, I always thought I loved my family. But now I realize I have never loved them or felt love from them. I've spent my entire life with them and feel ZERO connection. I would give anything to feel connected to family, friends, and an S/O, but my brain is NOT capable of this. I don't see myself living for even ten more years because I can't bear life knowing this truth about who I am.

If anyone wants to talk more feel free to DM me, I really need someone to talk to tonight.