I don’t know what to do

I 17f, I’ve struggled with my mental health for the past basically 8 years, it was on and off so I never really told anyone, but I’ve been doing really good for a while now, no drugs, went from chronic daily use of weed to none for 4 months and I rarely drink and I haven’t self harmed in over a year.

But I started a new job 2 weeks ago, and it’s sent me spiraling, reminding me for the rest of my life, I’m going to do the same repetitive shit, working for the rest of my life, and I can’t deal with that.

Like I said, I’ve been doing really good lately, but even then suicide has been constant thought in my head, I just bought rope and I’m currently sitting outside of a hardware store.

When I get home, I’m going to relapse smoke a fat bong and maybe my mind will think differently

just needed to vent tbh, or maybe I just want someone to tell me all of this is worth it in the end.