[27F] and my fiancé [28M] of 9 years feel like roommates. Vaginismus, antidepressants, WFH chore inequality, and gaming.

[27F] and my fiancé [28M] of 9 years feel like roommates. Vaginismus, antidepressants, WFH chore inequality, and gaming. Has anyone survived this?

Hi everyone. I really need some outside perspective because I feel like I'm completely burning out and my relationship is falling apart.

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years. We both work full-time (same amount of hours). The difference is: he works from home, and I have a daily commute. When I get home, usually exhausted, I am still the one who ends up cooking and cleaning (as much as my limited energy allows). Meanwhile, the second he logs off from work, he immediately switches to his PC to play video games to "rest". The house is often a mess, and I carry the entire mental load of our household.

On top of this chore inequality, our intimacy is practically non-existent right now. I suffer from vaginismus. I’ve recently started making some progress with dilators, but it’s a slow and painful journey. To make matters worse, I am dealing with severe depression and I'm currently on Venlafaxine and Coaxil. These antidepressants have absolutely nuked my libido. It's basically zero.

Even before my vaginismus, he never really was initiating sex. Now he more and more often expects me to "relieve his sexual tension" (handjobs, etc.). Whenever I just want to cuddle and feel close to him, he starts teasing me and pushing for me to get him off. Because I have no libido and I'm physically exhausted from working and doing all the chores, I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels like another chore on my to-do list. And don't get me wrong, when it works out I really do enjoy pleasing him, but it's not as often as it was.

He recently asked if I was "avoiding him." I told him the truth: I love him, but the antidepressants killed my sex drive and I just want to cuddle without expectations. His reaction? He just accepted it, got up, and went back to his computer games.

We are both highly stressed (financial issues, demanding jobs), but his coping mechanism is escaping into video games and ignoring real life, leaving me to manage the sinking ship alone. We are living like roommates.

Has anyone been in a similar dynamic? Can a relationship recover from this deep "roommate" phase?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.