I am in hell. Has anyone else had this? (Caution gross)

Not sure how many gpd I use as I don’t have a scale anymore, but my doses these days are extremely small compared to what I used to take and it still makes me super sick like my body is rejecting it pretty often. I’m on day 1 sober because I got really sick with what I think is a flu (not just wd because I have a fever. But starting that day I woke up vomiting from the kratom that I took 8+ hours before. Waited some and tried to redose like two spoonfuls and I threw up again. Happened 2 more times that day and the last time there was a small bit of bright red blood in the end of my vomit, have not taken kratom since for fear of more bloody vomit (pretty positive it was from my throat and not stomach) but I won’t lie I really am in agony and just wish my body would accept it and let me use kratom until the flu wears off. Flu + withdrawal is absolute hell and I am extremely sore and uncomfortable. Beyond the puking when I try to dose I just have constant diarrhea. I am 21 and have been using kratom since I was 14 (crazy , I know) so the sober life is very scary and unfamiliar to me. I also have a pretty physical job. Can anyone make me feel less alone with this . Thanks