[QCrit] VISIONS OF THE NIGHT, Queer Literary Horror, 60k, First Attempt

Hello, everyone!

I'm taking a long-needed step out of my comfort zone via posting this VERY rough query letter concept. I'm currently in early drafting/editing stages for this manuscript so there's still a lot left to workshop; this isn't the first manuscript I've wrote, but it is the first one I'm considering querying to agents. Subsequently, this is my first time writing a query letter (scary)!

Please be blunt (but kind) about what isn't working and if it feels too "back of the book blurb"-y as my gut is kinda telling me that's the problem here. It also feels kinda flat, almost as if I'm missing something.

Thanks in advance!

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Dear [Agent Name], 

Catherine is the perfect match for any religious zealot—she attends conversion therapy, holds a deep reverence for Margery Kempe, and knows just the right way to ward off the Devil. Plagued by strange prophetic dreams, Catherine believes demons disguising themselves as angels attempt to lead her astray from the Lord’s work; to remain in good standing, she must meet His expectations of 1.) becoming a Bible scholar, and 2.) finding the right man. 

But when Catherine is rejected from her university’s Master of Divinity program, she is much too terrified of the Lord’s wrath to admit defeat. Planning to appeal, she gets to work on presenting evidence for her new-and-improved thesis: uncovering definitive proof that God exists.  

Then, Farrah appears. Drowning in failed research and an encroaching deadline, Catherine overlooks the spiritual threat Farrah embodies. In exchange for Catherine's companionship, she offers to interpret her dreams, believing that they are not from demons. Rather, Farrah believes they are prophecies from God's angels themselves. But the deeper their relationship and subsequent research grows, the more Catherine wonders just how much of a hand Farrah has in manipulating her dreams—or if Farrah is even human at all.

Completed at 60,000 words, I am seeking representation for VISIONS OF THE NIGHT [ working title ], a literary horror debut criticizing religious institutions through queer cosmic horror. It would appeal to [ undecided comps ]. The narrative depicts loose references to H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Dreams in the Witch House” and the broader Cthulhu Mythos. 

I am an undergraduate student at [ university ], pursuing a Masters in English and psychology. As an ex-Christian lesbian, the most terrifying part of my childhood was not the possibility of God’s existence, but the scenario in which He did not exist at all.

[ insert personalization per agent here + thanks ]