Ended something with someone I still deeply love because of timing. How do I move forward without feeling like I ruined it?

Hey everyone. I’m 28M and about two weeks ago I ended things with someone (24F) I genuinely love.

6 months ago I had just gotten out of a 4-year relationship and decided to leave the small city we had moved to for a new life in NY. I wanted to experience independence and define myself alone, something I hadn’t really had the chance to do as an adult.

A few weeks before leaving, I met this girl. What started as a fun hookup (since I was moving anyway) turned into real feelings for both of us. After I moved to NY, we continued talking and seeing each other for 4 months, visiting back and forth (6 hours distance), texting/FaceTiming just about everyday. I let her know early on that I couldn’t get into a relationship with just having gotten out of a major one and moving so far away. We continued on regardless because it felt so good and right.

Over time, our connection just kept getting deeper. We never formally labeled ourselves, but we eventually had no interest in seeing other people and expressed real feelings for each other. We said good morning and goodnight every day. She became my favorite person, and my mind began revolving a lot around her and our communication/time together.

Eventually, the distance and daily communication started to feel overwhelming while developing my life here in NY. Being on my phone so much and having one foot back in the place I’d moved from began to take away from being present in my new life. I thought about her so much. I felt split between building my life here independently (like I had planned) and maintaining this relationship I had not originally planned for. Even though I love her and she was the only girl I have honestly ever felt like I could see myself marrying, it felt like choosing to continue was a dishonor to myself and what I had intended on doing with my life right now, especially with how much bandwidth long-distance takes.

What felt hardest with the distance was I was spending more time missing and thinking about her than focusing on the independence and time alone I moved here to experience. I didn’t want to commit to a relationship without fully living the chapter I came here for, maybe eventually resenting it. Also, I didn’t want to be half-present in a relationship with someone I cared about so much. It felt difficult to put my feelings out there after just leaving a long-term relationship, and having a whole new life building. She has an established life in her city, and I didn’t want to pressure her to leave that anytime soon for me. The timing of this all is just so hard.

So I ended it, letting her know I didn’t have the capacity to build the kind of relationship we both deserved right now and needed to focus on myself. She understood but it really crushed both of us, and we are in no contact.

Now I’m grieving hard. I’ve never felt this kind of loss before. I think about her everyday and it’s been 2 weeks now. It comes in waves, but how much I miss her is so difficult sometimes. I think about all the things I wish I could’ve said and sent her. There’s no one else that I can imagine being with now, and it’s hard to focus on myself while wondering what could’ve been and if we’ll ever reunite again. I also am hard on myself because some people say “if you love someone you make it work” but do I not love her enough that I would give up this chapter for myself?

I’m looking for any advice or to see if anyone has been in a similar situation, what eventually happened and any advice on moving forward.

For people who’ve ended something good because of timing or a life transition:

•	How did you cope with the “what if”?

•	How did you deal with missing someone deeply while still believing you made the right choice?

•	Is it possible to let go without feeling like you’re losing them forever?

Thank you