why do i sh when im not suicidal or upset?

i’ve been struggling with sh for 5-6 years now, but it originally started at a time of my life where i was a bit depressed.

now, im not at all. i’m super happy and i have absolutely no suicidal thoughts, but i can’t stop sh. i just do it all the time, even on some of my happiest days.

why doesnt it correlate to depression for me? and does that mean im just never going to be able to stop, since even when im super happy i do it?