Something bothering me lately in trans discourse…

Ok so a little background first… I identify as trans (medically transitioned, of FtM experience) genderfluid, genderqueer/genderf*ck, androgynous and gender nonconforming, etc.

Gender nonconformity and deconstructing binary cishet norms, for me, is not just an expression of my gender identity but also political. Queer history is also very important to me.

I get there were problems with transmeds and enbyphobes weaponizing labels like FtM and MtF. I’m not arguing we bring those back as “the standard” but I don’t think making transmasc/transfemme the new “standard” was the “solution” everyone seems to believe it was. Honestly I think having a default label (any default label) that everyone’s supposed to use contradicts the message that people should be free to label themselves however they feel comfortable.

But besides that, what bothers me even more is how much discourse around transness and trans identities has horseshoe’d back to reinforcing gender stereotypes, and simply inverting cisnormative bioessentialism. And almost seems to erase gender nonconforming people (both cis and trans).

The LGBTQ++ community has spent decades fighting against the idea that men own masculinity AND that manhood is inherently masculine, and that women own femininity AND womanhood is inherently feminine. And yes, transmasculinity and transfemininity separate masculinity/femininity from manhood/womanhood BUT when I see folks saying things like “man is a masculine gender” or “woman is a feminine gender” as if we should view manhood and men as inherently masculine by nature, and women as inherently feminine. It puts a bad taste in my mouth and feels like a step backwards ngl. Like some people convinced themselves they unlearned a complex, deeply internalized concept because they learned a new word. Like compared to a cis person assuming all AMAB folks should be masculine, and all AFAB folks be feminine, is it *really* that much better to just project the opposite assumption? That all AFAB trans folks are masculine (and all AMAB trans folks are feminine)?

Ofc I’m not trying to police the language people use for themselves or how they should view their own relationship with manhood, womanhood, femininity or masculinity, or their choice to transition hormonally and/or surgically. Like I said I think there should be no “default” term because if we can ask someone’s pronouns we can ask how other people want to be treated. And if we can stop assuming all men have penises and all women have vulvas I think we can stop assuming people identity with masculinity or femininity based on their AGAB and trans status too.

Getting a bit more personal I feel very awkward in a transMASCULINE space when I myself identify as androgynous, lean feminine, and masculinity doesn’t give me gender euphoria in the slightest. I’m trans. I’m not masc. Yet I’m there because being AFAB and trans. It just recreates the same problem nonbinary masc folks experienced in “trans men’s spaces”.

Idk what the solution is I feel like the English language just fails all of us. I just wish this was talked about more in trans spaces. And I wish more people realized how much discourse is reinforcing gender stereotypes because no, not every feminine AMAB person is an “egg” and neither is every masculine AFAB person. Some binary trans folks have the same energy as cis queers back in the day who trying to make bisexuals “come out of the closet” and “realize they’re just gay”.