I was so close. Need quick support, not ready to tell my sponsor.

Alright. 6 months.

I blew it.

I love my wife. I love my sponsor. I love my health. I have a new liver. Rehab. I’ve read the big book, the 12x12 so many times and subsequent texts, I went to meetings non stop…

AND THEN

I got a job. A career. That was the deal, get sober get a life ender. So I did and I made it just barely a month and I thought it was going so well that I could…

My health after a week immediately reverted. My mental productivity immediately is stunted. My sweet new pay cheques, budgets, gone. And I’m just sneaking mickeys around the neighbourhood again.

But here is the thing… I have to come clean. I will, but this week my mother is coming from out of town to stay with us for the first time since I’ve been out of rehab. She doesn’t need the further drama. I just have to navigate this next week with hiding this between work and life and HEALTH . Even as I type I can feel my pulse be it regular , patting. Just naturally I can assume I won’t be able to hid my relapse physically within the week.

She will leave me. I will lose my job. I will die. I just need one week and I swear I can slowly reach sobriety again.

PLEASE HELP.