It hurts everytime

Being discarded by my bpd gf, just like every other time before it.

Its the same pattern always. She makes countless mistakes but doesnt care, then i make a mistake and im held to impossible standards. Then comes the blocking and the discarding. Except im the villain if i say i dont want to keep in touch as friends. In the end she realises she regrets discarding me and asks for me back.

Except this time shes on hinge immediately after ending our 5 year relationship, and its hurting me even more.

I have adhd and every discard takes such a huge toll on me and i cant help but think about her. meanwhile she so easily ignores everything ive sacrificed for her and gets to treat me poorly.

What did i do to deserve this.

And everytime i think that discard is going to be the last and ill move on but then she asks to reconcile and i go back to her like a fool.

I think this time really will be the last since shes on hinge, but atleast it means the cycle finally ends.

Im no longer in her control and she cant project all her mistakes onto me.

All i can think about are the times she loved me and it hurts even more

sorry if the formatting is weird im typing this on mobile crying in my washroom lol