Direct sexual comparisons

I’m a middle aged bisexual woman, recently out of the closet and exploring my queerness. I read about polyamory and so much of it resonated with me that I started reading, researching, and then decided to try it out.

So…recently I got myself into my first queer and first poly relationship. I was slowly gaining self-confidence, exploring sex with a partner of the same sex…and falling in love. It just ended in flames and I’m trying to get perspective. I’m verrrry sub leaning and the last time we were together, I had tried to initiate sexually, and felt she didn’t reciprocate and respected that and backed off. She has been having painful health problemas so I was very mindful of her comfort and was fine with not having sex. Right before I left, she lamented that I’m not more assertive because she had wanted to have sex and was going to be with a more dominant partner the next day and for sure was going to have sex with him. That he would just sort of push for it, no matter what, and that it would happen. She asked how that made me feel. It kind of destroyed me. Being directly compared to her other lover, of another gender, made me feel so insecure and it actually made me break it off. There is more to it, but the comparison is the main part I wanted to talk about here.

I’m not exactly sure what kind of feedback I’m hoping to get here, maybe just some perspective? This has made me question if polyamory is even something I want to continue practicing.