Suicidal since I was a little

F (28). Almost every day I've lived since I was a child is with thoughts of suicide. if in adolescence and during college there were good and hopeful periods, in recent years, especially in the last one, nothing has changed my perspective. I still don't have the courage to do it, but I know that I can't live like this forever. I do things for my mental health, but to no avail. Nothing brings me satisfaction in life anymore and I feel like I'm in a race with no escape.