Don’t call me a ‘life partner’ and have me travelling from London to Cardiff consistently if you’re quick to grind on random guys at my friends event.

I’ll be so honest I never thought I’d be here writing this, lowkey this is like a last straw for me. I’m sick of the nightmares, I haven’t had a proper nights sleep since the start of the year. I’m sick of always waking up, knowing that I’d travel hours to see you, and doing it in a heartbeat if it made you happy. To then wake up with the image of you moving loose at my friends event, and having my friend send me your hinge profile, knowing that you wanted to hide it from me. This haunts me every night, I haven’t had a proper sleep since.

I can’t even bring myself to invite these people to any more music collabs, all because you wanted to feel a guys boner on their dance floor. Not to mention the video is one of their most popular videos, a constant reminder that this one person I’d take a 5 hour coach for, found it so easy to move loose, traveling up to 5 hours every weekend, leaving your house at 8pm to get home for 12pm, knowing I have work the next day. But if ‘my lil m***h’ ( nickname) wanted me to stay an extra half an hour, I’d stay without a second thought, knowing that I could be fucked getting home (and plenty times I was fucked going to work the next day)

That’s shit, but what’s worse is telling me that you don’t regret it because ‘now you know how I feel’. As if it wasn’t killing me inside. The panic attacks I started getting, I was drinking more, doing more drugs. I even hit the point of SH, and every time I look in the mirror I see the scars for someone who doesn’t deserve them scars. How can you turn and say ‘I’m happy you know how I feel now’. With not an ounce of regret, just a feeling of being pissed off that I found out. As if it wasn’t hurting me already.

Keeping me around, telling me ‘we didn’t break up because we didn’t love each other’, then you turn around and tell me you were out flirting with other guys whilst you were telling me you would never do that, and that you know ‘what being cheated on is like’.

How am I sitting there sharing tears about your traumatic experiences, and you’re telling me you don’t regret it??

There was nothing I cared more about than to make you happy, even if it was killing me from the inside out. And now I look back on it, I should have never of gotten to know you. I shouldn’t have reached out. I did it to the wrong person. That’s a tough lesson I’ll always be reminded of when I look in the mirror.

And what hurts the most is that we broke up for different reasons, reasons we communicated about, and it seemed like ‘damn, we can make this work and stop hurting each other’. And I took accountability for my actions and I cared so much about being a better person, and you knew this. And now I’m starting to see that you don’t deserve the better version of myself.

Honestly if you’re reading this, and you think this is about you, then it probably is. I know you go on this subreddit, and honestly I just want the day to come where your name stops appearing in my head. Because I’ll never

travel from London to Cardiff again for someone who’d end it by shattering all loyalty and trust. I wish I never wasted my time and money, and I wish nobody makes the same commitments and sacrifices I made for you, just for it to end bc you wanted to grind up on random guys and move loose with ur friends who go out craving dick (staying up till 7am every weekend at clubs full of hungry men with ur friends who are tryna get fucked (literally) is just pure disrespect for me as a ‘life partner’.

I hope you don’t find anyone again, I hope you stay single. Because nobody deserves to go through this shit. I know that I did my wrongs, but I was so committed to being a better person, and you just kept me along if it was convenient for you, if it made you happy that’s all that mattered. Can’t have your cake and eat it, and you knew it, and you kept knowingly hurting me.

One day your name won’t haunt me anymore.