Should I start medication?

I’m 18 and in my first year of college. I’ve dealt with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts (+ attempts) for 8 years. However, I’ve managed until now because I’ve had long “up” stretches following feeling down, which have prevented me from feeling like I need “serious” help. Up until my last attempt last year, no one in my life was aware. After that time, I was prescribed antidepdessants and started going to talk therapy, but I started feeling much better very quickly, and decided not to take the pills and stop therapy due to time conflicts (with the approval of my family/doctor). I felt perfectly fine for months.

However, college has been extremely rough for me. I am very busy, and obviously the social and academic pressure takes its toll. I can no longer fall asleep due to panic attacks and anxious thoughts. Since november, I have had no “up” periods, just constant depression. I thought maybe i needed vitamin D, but I have been taking supplements to no avail. Its affecting my relationships, my ability to sleep, and my health.

I have an appointment soon about trying antidepressants for real this time, but I’m scared, especially about the adjusting period. How long does it take to feel normal? Is the feeling “numb” true for everyone? I’m considering just waiting for my next “up”, but I also think this cycle is not going to be sustainable for the rest of my life, and I should consider medication. Any advice is welcomed!