Accused of abuse

I was not a great husband. I had a short temper. my wife always called me controlling when I would insist on closing the gate to the stairs when our toddler used his scoot bike upstairs, or when I didnt budget on rules to make sure our pool was secure and that we couldn't forget a gate or door, or when I didnt allow our son on the balcony without one of us.

she called me financially abusive when I lost my job and insisted we cut things like massages so we didnt dip into portfolio and savings.

she had a hard time putting him to bed and would always give into one more story. I sometimes got soooo annoyed that we could never have adult time starting at bed time. I one time threw an empty baby bottle at the floor in the kitchen in the opposite direction of my wife when arguing over this. I shouldnt have, but she called it domestic violence. (our son wasnt there).

I once got annoyed and said I didn't have time to go to a store and tossed the car key underhand into a blanket on the couch next to my wife and son and said she could do it. apparently this was child abuse and I yelled back wtf. no it isnt. that was apparently also child abuse too.

I once let my kid throw his tantrum and kept him in his room when he wouldn't go to bed. I made sure to move all things he could hit himself on and spoke calmly to him. apparently that was emotionally abusive.

we had so much resentment, we were constantly criticizing. I criticized more and this is the one thing that could be emotional abuse I guess.... still a stretch.

she now labels herself as a victim of domestic violence and I am abusive.

I was so irritable from overdrinkimg to deal with stress. I told her ihad a problem and I quit drinking. (she was shocked ibhad an alcohol problem)

I am no longer irritable even when she does things like pick the lock when ibam in the bathroom to let our son in. I am quite complimentary, patient and zen. ibhave owned every problem in the marriage and she is leaving.

I can see why she is unhappy with me, but if feel like this isnt quite fair. I actually thought I kight be an abuser until I went to therapy and they tild me I was just an ass sometimes and she was irrational with safety.

i had to rant. it really hurts to be accused of abuse like this and our 13 year relationship is ruined.

she also saw a psychic that said I would kill the family when she divorced me so she planned this nasty divorce over months behind my back like I was a woman beater. she was surprised when all I did was cry.

oh, I am guilty of staying up late and having 3 to 4 beers at night downstairs too often instead of emotionally connecting with my wife. she felt alone.

SO SAD. I JUST WANT OUR LOVE BACK.