Prayer/Advice Request- struggling with 🌽 addiction

Not only am I looking for prayers but also just curious if I’m truly alone in this…

I apologize in advance for making anyone uncomfortable but i need to hear from other Catholic wives on this one..

I (27F) never really had a healthy relationship with sex. I lost my virginity at 15 because I was pressured into it - then truly believed I was special because men (boys) wanted to sleep with me. I looked at sex like a man does. Something to satisfy ME and wrap men around my finger (so I thought). Then when I met my husband and we threw ourselves into our faith (and truly can say found God) prepping for the wedding, sex became something sinful and icky and impure. Then we wanted a baby- which then turned it into a chore with the natural family planning.. libido was always high but I had no outlet that matched what I liked (what successfully completed me if you will) and I turned to self pleasure and it has become my biggest sin that I keep returning too.. it’s embarrassing.. I’m ashamed but confused.. I physically and mentally feel so much better afterward but I’m ashamed that I not only did it but that I enjoyed the result I guess? It’s like the second the thought comes to mind I am turning to it and not God and I’m so mad at myself for that.. but why did He design the female climax to be so complicated for men?! Just me?? How can sex in a marriage be fruitful and beautiful while still being spicy?

I should clarify - my husband and I don’t have any issues in our intimacy besides the fact our baby tends to interrupt (wake up) and the baby sleeps with us most nights making it difficult to find the time. But even when we do - I personally prefer the clitoris climax vs a vaginal … but that doesn’t have the opportunity for life to be created? Apologies again for any TMI but I needed to be real with someone..