Help give me peace and determination

I need support in preparation of telling hospital staff that I plan to formula feed and to get the medication within the first 24 hours of giving birth to prevent my milk coming in. I’m in Canada, but we still have the “baby friendly initiative” here, and I’m worried I’ll have to defend my decision in the throes of a tough labour (I grow big babies).

The hard part is I successfully breastfed my first for 15 months. Breastfeeding in itself went relatively fine for me.

But, I have mental and physical reasons for choosing not to this time.

1. Hypermobility - I have severe symphysis pubic dysfunction and SI joint dysfunction, and because of my hypermobility, some level of damage is permanent. I already have more issues with my hips from my first pregnancy. Breastfeeding maintains the relaxin hormone that worsens my hypermobility. The longer I breastfeed, the longer I’m in significant pain and the more permanent damage I can incur. I had difficulties carrying and holding my 99th percentile baby because of the instability in my core and pelvis for well over a year after giving birth.

2. Medications - I can’t take muscle relaxers or strong painkillers, or medications for my slow gut motility while breastfeeding (another hypermobility symptom).

3. ADHD - I met with a midwife that specializes in pregnancy and postpartum for women with ADHD and it was *so validating*. I finally understood why I was so irritable, so easily elevated, and my moods were so difficult to manage. I finally understood why my letdown made tears prick at the corners of my eyes (the rejection reflex or whatever it is). I finally understood why I felt so overwhelmed and like such a bad mom.

Logically, I know that formula feeding will give me the mental and physical freedom to maintain my sanity, *and* it will protect my body so that I can take care of both myself and my first child.

Logically, I know. But I’m already having to justify myself to close friends and family. I just need people to tell me it’s ok to make this choice so that I can, with confidence, tell those nurses exactly what I want and actually get it.