any other detrans/desisted males feel unsafe in men’s bathrooms or other male spaces?

until recently, i’ve been avoiding any gendered bathroom at the expense of my bladder (i never went into women’s bathrooms, didn’t belong in men’s rooms, and most places don’t have gender-neutral spaces), but now i have just started using men’s bathrooms again.

whenever i’m in there, i can‘t help but feel i’m being looked at and sized up constantly. i don’t know if it’s just paranoia or autism or something else, but i get an immediate sense that this isn’t where i belong and that something bad could happen, even though i know it‘s technically where i’m supposed to go. not that a public bathroom is some sort of community space, it’s not like i’m talking to people in there or doing anything other than my business, but i feel like i always get looks as though i’m not allowed to be there.

it’s been reminding me of this one time where i was at an airport, tired and early in the morning and not looking where i was going, and accidentally went into the women’s bathroom. i hadn’t passed by anyone on the way into a stall, so i hadn’t even realized until i noticed how clean everything was and i walked out after i was done and a couple of women looked at me with confusion. i think (i hope) they thought i was there by accident and not for any ulterior reason, but i obviously apologized and left as quickly as i could.

that’s how i feel in men’s bathrooms now. the anxiety that i’m not only being seen as male but entering a male-only space is really eating me up.

am i the only one feeling this way? am i just crazy?