i hate being an ugly girl

i used to question whether i was actually ugly or not until i finally got called ugly by two of my family members. it was rough for them to say as family, but i think they just couldn’t lie anymore. it was more like a confession honestly.

i haven't been complimented in years.

i never get called pretty. i never get stared at; i know humans stare at and are drawn to attractive things; I know because it happened occasionally in the past when i looked decent and had a good sense of style and nice body. or when i was too thin and looked ratchet and homeless. now all i get is perpetual ignorance, like i don't even exist

though when I wear revealing clothes like short shorts or a tight top i get looks at my body by a lot of people. otherwise i'm completely invisible. i can’t tell if it’s because my body is exceptionally ugly or because they’re horny. probably the latter, and then the former.

i hate and never wear form fitting or revealing clothes because I feel so ugly, even though they probably objectively make me look "better".

i’ve lost so much weight recently that the bra i put on before class started falling off by the time i was in class. it was almost down to my stomach, and i had to put it back on in the bathroom. skinny or fat i'm somehow still so ugly just in different ways.