2 month short term relationship ended in December. I still can’t move on.

It’s 4am where I am and I can’t sleep so I’m going to get this out.

I (27M) Met a woman (25F) on a dating app. We dated for about 2 months. It felt very different from any other experience I’d had from the start. It was warm, intentional & things progressed naturally at a good pace. She invited me to spend a weekend at hers after maybe the 5/6th date. It felt like something was building. We had so so much in common, sometimes it felt like I was looking in a mirror. She brought me back to interests I fell out of love with. The more I got to know her the more I liked her. It’s the first time in maybe 3 years I’d felt anything like this.

A week after that weekend she sent me a long voice note. She said the weekend was so fun and it was really nice to have me in her world and space, but it made her realise she hadn’t healed from her past dating experiences, one of which had just ended a month or so prior to us meeting. It didn’t end well. She said that she wasn’t ready to date at all. She also said dating me had been unlike anything she’d experienced before, in the best way. That she could see something real with me, that she would feel guilty to have me in the way she wanted without putting her all into it. She said she needed time and space to heal.

I’ve been told ‘I’m not ready’ before. I usually take it as a ‘I’m not interested’ and move on. But this time I believed it. For some reason, I believed it. I told her I understood, I felt we could’ve been something real too and it made me happy to think about that. I said that I’d keep moving forward, but the door was open if things aligned down the line. I didn’t want to suggest checking in or waiting cause I think anyone truly in that situation deserves to heal with no pressure. She thanked me for being so understanding and said this was a very hard decision for her. We ended on warm terms.

That was 2 months ago. I really tried to move on. Kept myself busy, tried to be kind to myself. But damn it’s been difficult. I think of her everyday. And it’s hard to reconcile cause this didn’t last very long at all.

Last week I went to delete Hinge and out of (stupid) curiosity saw her profile had been updated. New pics and I think her dating status thing was updated to ‘figuring out my dating goals’ It stung. I think She’d muted me on social media shortly after we ended things too. Noticed she no longer viewed my stories. Then today I noticed she removed me from her close friends story on Instagram, which she’d left me on until now. She’s been slowly disconnecting while I’ve been stuck here still thinking about her every day.

I sent her message earlier. Just something light that reminded me of her and hoped she was doing well. I know I’m probably not gonna get a response I’d like, but I think I’d regret it if I didn’t try.

I guess I’m just looking for some compassion and thoughts. This whole thing has been so confusing. I tried to let go but just couldn’t. Doesn’t help that I have OCD which has made healing even harder.