32M/36F Partner asked for distance after recovery money not offered post abortion, have I failed her?

I’m 32M and she’s 36F. We’ve been together and generally have a very intense, close dynamic. When we fight, we usually repair quickly like within hours. There’s normally a lot of warmth and reassurance between us.

Recently she went through an abortion. I paid for the procedure and also sent her over 1000 dollars to fix her car 2 weeks prior to the abortion. I was present through the whole thing emotionally and practically. honestly i have always had her best interest at heart and shown up in numerous ways - I do go all out for her because i love her and want to marry her.

Where things got complicated was around recovery. She is still going to work and feels stressed financially. I didn’t proactively offer to cover her recovery time. If she had asked, I absolutely would have paid. But I didn’t anticipate it.

She later expressed that she felt hurt that I didn’t instinctively step in and said things along the lines of in her culture, a man would apparently just take care of that without being asked. That comparison hurt me.

I apologised and took responsibility for not thinking ahead. I didn’t argue or get defensive I accepted it and tried to say that I was there emotionally and had covered other costs I.e the car and abortion but I did agree that I didn’t offer to help her during recovery. After the conversation I said I would gladly help, but she doesn’t want it now as it was the thought which I didn’t anticipate or step up to. But since then, her tone has been softer and more guarded. She asked for space, and said she would see me when she is okay - but who knows how long that could be? She’s still engaging when I check in to see how she is going - I’m not being overbearing like I’d love to know where we stand and if it’s fixable, but there’s less intensity than usual.

Two weeks before this, I was struggling with my own stuff and didn’t feel like she fully showed up for me, but I didn’t make a big issue out of it at the time because she was pregnant and unwell. So part of me feels like I extended grace. I’ve always been soft and gentle when we have moments because I see it as teachable or a lesson to learn so we can be better together for the future. I’ve never raised my voice and been angry I have always put her first but have messed up on this occasion. and I’m unsure if I’m receiving the same now grace now.

I’m torn between:

– Understanding she’s vulnerable and recovering.

– Feeling hurt and a bit disrespected because I did show up in a lot of ways.

– Being scared of losing her.

– And wondering if this is just a temporary bruise or a bigger values mismatch around expectations and communication.

I genuinely care about her and don’t want to overreact. But I also don’t want to ignore my own feelings.

Would love perspective, especially from women, on whether this feels like something repairable or something deeper.