really bad moodswings adhd med withdrawal

i (f14) started Strattera an adhd med around around a month or something ago. my psychiatrist started with 10 mg (i am 4'9 76 lbs btw)

and after a week they raised it to 18 mg. after it was raised i started noticing my resting heart rate was really high (168 when its usually around 94) so i panicked, started thinking my brain was dissolving?? and immediately stopped taking it. i googled all the side effects of the withdrawal but my impulsive ass thought i could handle it.

well SHOCKER. i cant. i already have insomnia but its gotten worse. instead of sleeping 3 to 4 hours a night. i started sleeping one or two if i was lucky. ive been going days without sleep. i got 2 hours of sleep last night but now im too scared to fall asleep. ive had eating issues before, but now i just have loss of appetite. food is revolting, and the hunger is comforting and grounding.

i already get really paranoid, and now ive been having more hallucinations than normal. like theyre infront of my eyes now. but im okay because i know the bugs are fake.

anyways main topic, with the mood swings its like ill feel amazing, ill feel absolutely wonderful and like nothing can stop me. ill forget ive ever been depressed a day in my life. then ill get triggered, ill see something like a picture from when i was younger. now all of a sudden im absolutely SOBBING. ive been crying talking about how i wish i was loved. how i wish i wasnt treated like i was crazy. ill just be ranting.

right now i barely feel stable. its like i can feel a freak out coming. and i already know i wont be able to sleep tonight. a few nights ago i was planning on sneaking out and sl/tting my wr/sts in a field close to my house. but im not sad anymore. i feel really good right now.