I can’t stand being undiagnosed I need to know

17F — long rant sorry, any help is appreciated — first paragraph can be skipped

I’ve been dealing with what I think is OCD since I was 12 and it’s only gotten worse. The first noticeable symptom(?) was that I had a routine that I had to do perfectly every night and if I messed up I’d have to restart. This could take hours and I’d stress, cry, and lose sleep over it. I’d feel guilty for losing sleep for something so stupid which only made me mess up more. I’d also wash my hands a LOT and my teacher had to give me a special pass to let me use the restroom without asking just to keep washing my hands. (And more but I can’t list it all)

I now constantly question whether or not I have OCD. I feel like since my “OCD” is not as bad as it was before (^^) and I probably healed from it and am now looking for excuses to justify my past behaviors. I also feel like I am not struggling as much as people who actually have OCD so it’s insulting to even think that I have it.

I am also scared to tell anyone else this because they might laugh or think I’m stupid. I am terrified that I don’t actually have OCD and all this time that I thought I had OCD was just me being stupid and it means I wasted all that time.

I’m sorry if this insults anyone with OCD I know I’m not struggling as much as you are but I’m scared that I’ve been lying to everyone (even tho I’ve never told anyone)