Hurting

Just here to release what I'm feeling.

We've been deescalated for a month. 'Just friends' now. He says he's also just holding things together platonically with his wife for the sake of the baby. He says he still wants to be with me but is afraid of doing so much damage to me/us that a relationship isn't possible anymore. I've tried to talk to him multiple times in the last 2 weeks and he says he wants to. But then he ignores me, or puts it off, or doesn't tell me the whole truth about what he's doing and feeling.

I'm at the breaking point I think. I want to say I don't know what to do anymore, but that's a lie. I know based on everything I've seen and experienced that there's no way I'm going to recover until I sever the connection. I don't even believe yet that I'm going to heal. I'm scared this is going to be the thing that really fucking scars me forever. I loved him so much. I've given every shred of understanding and patience I have. It's over. My dream with him is dead