I can’t cry

As a child I used to still cry like others, but then they started bullying me about it and did it for years. They hit me so deep that even when my grandmother died, I could not cry. When my dad beat me, I could not cry. I started to do drugs (mostly weed) and thought about ending it all.

Recently I’ve found out that my dad got the bullies to bully me about crying since ”men dont cry”. I have started to abuse drugs, but I still can not cry.