No one loves me :(

I 24F have been struggling with mental health all my life and suicidal attempts get worse and worse, I'm near a breaking point.

Something that could help make this work is a real relationship. I do have support systems and my family but i can't explain it its not the same. I have been in relationships before and I believe i keep pushing people away. just so sick of being alone. I'm sick of nothing in my life going right either I'm just done. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry for existing. i know I'm pathetic.