6am

I wish I had never met you.

It's stupid of me to be writing this. Maybe I'll delete it because it doesn't make sense. You also once wrote a letter to that one guy you met who ghosted you, but you never sent it. I should do the same. Part of me hope you won't read this.

My mind keeps repeating that one scene where we called on the phone that one night with my sister. I had never felt so happy. I still don't know if you really meant the three words you said that night or if you were joking. It felt genuine, but I'm not sure anymore.

You dared ask me if I had a crush on you, while being the one saying you love me first? That truly hurt. As if none of the things we talked about mattered.

I would've done anything to make it work. But anything isn't enough. You wanted easy, and close to you. It's only the way you came back only to tell me you had finally found a boyfriend that hurt the most. Saying he likes horror and writing, same as I do. It truly felt like you were rubbing it iny face, even going as far as asking me if I had found someone, knowing damn well you were the one I liked.

Everyday I find less and less reasons to stay around. There'll never be any way out for people like me. Self pity doesn't help, but it's not like anything else does either. I can't spend the rest of my life alone. But my face is the worst monster there is.

Everyday I cross the busy streets without looking, wishing one speeding car will drag me along the asphalt so my face could finally be loved the way it deserves.

I wish I had never met you.