Feeling so out of place IRL.

[25M] I just don't feel the best towards my IRL life. I had rough childhood of being unheard and laughed at by my family, I grew up with that until I became who I am now. I have always seen the difference in how my parents treat me and how they treat my siblings. I'm not someone who compares but it just hurts to see that I'm getting treated differently. My younger sibling is treated with tender love and patience, my older sibling is given what he needs with and without asking them. Meanwhile me being sacrificed for both of them.

We're 3 siblings, my older sibling [26M] has a room for himself and I'm sharing a room with my youngee singling [17M]. During 2020, I was in my toughest moments with university and covid, yet my family failed to offer me space to study. My younger sibling is playing on his PS4 with his friends all day long and constantly yelling, I had no other room to study in. I discussed it with them and they said "Not our issue. You're adult so you deal with it". They could've easily asked my younger sibling to stop playing for few hours so I can study, yet they chose to ignore that. And that worsened my trust with them even more.

A year ago, I had to live in a remote area for my job where I lived in the middle of nowhere. That area was completely inhumane to live at where the food options where unhealthy and I had to live with whatever I had there. When I vented to my family about it they said "What do you want us to do? Not our issue." And now, my older sibling is living in the capital which is away from us and I started working in a better area. I see my mother misses my older sibling so much and just talks about him all the time and how she misses him, whenever he vents about his job she feels sad and show compassion. Same thing goes for my younger sibling now that he's getting busier with life.

So, I'm living my life distant from everybody. I grew up awkwardly and I find social interactions very awkward for me. Talking to people IRL is very awkward but online it's alright which is good I think. My IRL friends are people that can't be trusted a lot so I can't really share with them. I developed different ways of thinking compared to people around me as well, so now I feel even more unheard by people here and I know if I shared an opinion then it will just get mocked and laughed at because they don't understand it.

It just feels so lonely here. Being too distant is bad but it's the only coping mechanism I find healthy enough for me. I feel very depressed and I feel like I'm straight up invisible IRL. I reach out online and I do have online friends, but I really need physical closeness. It's slowly exhausting me.