Consequences

I was good today. So polite, presentable, responsible, and digestible. I woke up feeling like nothing matters and I might as well say “fuck it all” and fuck things up. But I groaned where nobody could see or listen. I didn’t feel like going to work, like most days, but I got up and got ready anyway. My mind begged and pleaded, but I got ready for work anyway.

As I brushed my hair I thought about what if “I just cut it all off”? Perhaps shave my eyebrows too. What if I put on a ridiculous outfit or actually, no clothes at all. And then I’ll go out in public and I’ll scream at the top of my lungs. I’ll blast music, I’ll sing, and dance all crazy. Then I can call my ex, the one who broke my heart, the one who changed my perception of love and tell him to eat shit! What if I don’t even show up to work! I just run away and don’t tell a soul. Just disappear. I’ll stroll into some bar in a place I’ve never been, with people I’ve never met before. And I’ll drink myself dizzy, maybe ask the girl in the bathroom if she’s got a bump. Then I’ll go home with some decent looking random, I wonder if I’d be able to pull with no hair on my head? And I’d wake up the next morning in my bed and there would have been no consequences!